I've started a new blog, in the hopes that I can finally say what i want to say without having to worry about how it might affect people around me.
First of all, facebook is NOT me. I just like to go on and bug the people who go onto facebook simply because it's fun because no one has balls enough to say something to me so it's great.
It's the only time I get to talk to certain people who otherwise wouldn't talk to me in real life, because people hate me. I could care less, after all they can't hate anyone without hating a part of themselves, but it still gets to me just a bit. I've gone through shit too, so I understand, probably more shit than a lot of other people but still i get it. I just want to be known as a good friend, a nice person, and instead I'm known as a big mouth, a liar, a drama queen.
Yes I used to lie, I'm sure we all, at some time lied in their lives, so no one can preach to me about being a liar. I lied, to get attention. I could've cared less when I was 7 when I said "Nick Carter's my brother" to Kathleen and Annick's sister in the schoolyard, as I didn't think that people were dumb enough to make fun of me for it when I was in highschool. And, as most people lie, I got made fun of for having "said it" again in highschool, which never happened! Because people like to make it sound interesting and like making fun of people. So whatever I get it.. But I'm sick of it and I'm setting this stupid record straight. I don't lie anymore I don't have any reason to. Because I only hve one other person in my life, well really.. Chris is my boyfriend, we've been together for 7 years and I love him so much. It's amazing to be able to sit beside him in a room, not say anything, and he can read my mind,, knows exactly what I want and hes, oh he's just amazing!
I imagine it must be something from my grandparents for me. He really is a gift that I don't deserve. For all the horrible things I've done or said in this life, i have no idea how I can possibly deserve to be with such a creature, and I only thank God that I have him <3 He's my other half.
But now this is a dilemma for me. I might sound crazy, as I keep telling myself it's just the hype from all my friends having kids at our age, but I so want to ...extend our family. looll I can't believe i just wrote that haha... But it's true. Now we've spoken about it a couple of times, and Chris says the same thing everytime, " we don't have enough money". It's true, we really don't, and I know this, and it hurts because I know he wants it too, that's why this is killing me. It sucks, that's about the only thing I can say about our situation, otherwise we'd be popping em out already lol... So, I've got to keep my head up and hope I get a raise soon at work, llollllll which seems unlikely, lol but hey, you never know.
All I know is we've already decided on names..Autumn Mary Jane Plante, or Salem Shawn Christopher Plante... lol so Autumn or Salem haha I still think it's awesome cuz I've always wanted to name my daughter Autumn hehe and Mary was my great grandmother's name, and Jane is Chris' grandmother's name, Shawn is my cousin who passed away when he was only 16, and well, Christopher is obviously after my babe, Chris <3
I just hope we can manage it, if this does turn out to go that way, either that or Chris has a week of crabbiness ahead of him lol